Monday, April 26, 2010

Tweak Tweak

I have this thing about tweaking something till it's dead. I tend to poke around and rearrange things, never really being satisfied enough with what is there. That's a problem, right?

Sometimes, you just really have to know when to quit. Sometimes, fixing something that ain't broke not only breaks it -- it could actually cause it to disintegrate into a little puff of smoke.

I have been visiting and revisiting this blog, checking to see what I can do to improve it, thinking about content and lay-out and what widgets and gadgets I want to add or delete. I am obsessing over whether I have the right "look". I keep thinking about what tone this blog should have, I am nervous about telling people about it because it might not be good enough. That's a problem, right?

A wise, wise friend told me once that I have "performance anxiety". Something I made or created is never good enough to show and needs to be tweaked and probed and scrubbed and retouched just so, just in the right amount so it will be acceptable. In the end, it is never exhibited and no one knows it's there. And she has whacked me over the head many, many times because of this. She told me that I shouldn't obsess over that, and just go ahead and step out of the shadows. She told me that I should stop worrying about anyone liking what I make, but that I should just go ahead and create it. What is important is that I am true to my vision and my creative integrity is intact.

That is one reason why I decided to create this blog. So I could step out there and be visible. So I could just put forward the crazy ideas and visuals that live in my head and throb so painfully in my heart. It's my notebook, like the others I keep hidden but this time I'm having other people take a peek into it. I figured that this exercise would help cure me of my so-called "performance anxiety" so that I could just be me -- no tweaking, no probing, no retouching.

But first let me adjust this template a bit more -- that gadget for the links page doesn't quite look right there. And then maybe I'll see if I do like this template. After that, I guess I'll see if I can edit the posts a bit. And then after I guess I should...

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